Analyzing and Evaluating a Personal Essay: Read the short,
personal essay below and answer the questions that follow right after.
“On Becoming a Person of Color” by Anne Liu Kellor
She is used to defining herself in the negative—not quite this or
that; or as divided—only half or part. She is mixed, which means that she has
never seen herself entirely as Chinese, nor entirely as white. As a teenager,
her friends were mostly white, in a school that was mostly black and white, so
she identified with the white kids. Her friends would eagerly ingest her mom’s
Chinese leftovers after a night of partying (where she’d teach them how to say,
We are going to drink a lot of beer tonight! in Mandarin); she was
their fun Asian friend, different, yet rooted in the same pop culture, white
culture. It was “just” her private childhood, her early years of living with
Chinese relatives, going to Chinese potlucks, hearing and speaking Chinese
every day, that now belonged mostly to a past that she unconsciously sought to
leave behind.
She chose to go to a private college in Minnesota, to get far away
from home and her old identity, whatever that was. There, she slowly started to
see herself more as others saw her: as Asian, a diversifier, someone who was
different than the “norm.” She devoured books by people of color, she studied
Asian-American history, she studied Chinese. But still, her school and friends
were mostly white and she did not feel an easy alignment with other Asians.
Once, her Chinese cousin told her that she created a bridge for him between the
Chinese and white worlds he lived in. She understood this in the same way that
she understood how she was still trying to forge a bridge to herself.
Everyone had always been “them” when it came to race; there had never
been an “us,” besides her and her sister. Yet over time, she started to pay
closer attention when she saw other mixed-race Asians and whites. Her gaze
intensified, she would feel shy and voyeuristic as she tried to discern what
they looked like exactly, tried to see how other people saw her.
After college she traveled and lived in China for three years; soon
the rhythm of her body and dreams returned to the sounds of Chinese. But on the
streets, people only saw her straighter nose, bigger eyes, lighter hair,
thicker thighs. Each year she collected more language and felt more
Chinese, yet each year she also felt more foreign. Ni shi nali de?
Where are you from? People always asked. America, she’d answer, mei
guo, and see their faces, confused. She knew that they equated American
people with white people. My mother is Chinese, she would explain, and
they’d nod and aahh. Hunxue, mixed blood, they’d say, their
relief palpable once they could name how she was different.
When she came home, she understood just how American she was, and just
how much of her life depended upon the English language. Yet she also became
more “Asian” again, when digesting herself before others’ eyes. In Seattle, she
returned to her mostly white neighborhoods and friends. Friends, who no doubt
appreciate her “diversity,” friends who maybe see her as more relatable and
safe than most people of color. For she is not the type to lambast someone for
saying something unconsciously racist; instead too often she has stayed silent,
swallowed, her face hot, tongue caught. She is used to holding the shame of
unspoken words inside. For she has listened so hard for so long that now she
must teach herself how to speak.
Now, she is invited into groups for “people of color,” a term that
only recently she has allowed to take root in her consciousness and begin to
claim. For now, she has more practice naming what it feels like to be the only
person of color in a room; to live between languages; or to never see herself
reflected on T.V. And now, she cannot help but see race played out in every
space, against every backdrop of every inherited history of relationship. But
still her light skin cannot be denied, and so simultaneously she must remember
to take a quiet seat in conversation, deferring to others whose experiences of
racism are more extreme. And still she worries that some will see her “color”
as a fraud: sniff out her world of whiteness— her white best friends, white
father, white husband, white son. Although she knows now that she is a
person of color in America, in a way that she will never be white, still she
waits for cues from others in order to discern whether they see her as one of
us, or one of them.
The Normal School,
October 23, 2018
Essay Prompts: Choose
ONE of the following prompts in order to write a response. In the
response, please indicate which question is being answered. Responses should be
formatted in the same way as a traditional essay. The essay must have an
introduction with a thesis that answers the question of the chosen prompt, aim
for three or four well-developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion that wraps
up the argument. Each paragraph should be at least five sentences. Only
third person is allowed in this essay. Any use of first person (I) or
second person (you) will result in a loss of points. (50 Points)
1) Kellor
uses third person throughout this memoir. As stated in the notes, memoirs are
generally written in first person. Why is Kellor using third person and how
does that usage influence the reader as he or she reads through the memoir?
Provide proof of your claims using evidence from the story. You do not need to
provide quotes though.
2) Conflict
is an important part of any memoir. It is usually what drives the narrative of
the memoir. What is the overall conflict of this memoir and how does Kellor use
said conflict to explore the central idea? Provide proof of your claims using
evidence from the story. You do not need to provide quotes though.