When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world
Time is a fickle thing , and it waits for no one. You can be living the best life with all your loved ones and suddenly everything could go downhill in the blink of an eye. Spend as much time with your family because at any moment something bad can happen.
One day we got a phone call from our father, and usually this would have been good news, like a visit, or a dinner invitation. But to my surprise it was the worst news I could have ever received. We learned that he was diagnosed with lung cancer, something the little me did not understand or fully grasp. Many days we would go to the hospital to bring him food and clothing. He would seem fine, but he wasn’t. Who knows the intense pain he must have endured. He would always have a smile on his face when we came to visit him. It would bring lots of joy to me, and I would go run up to him and give the biggest hug.
The night was rather dark and gloomy as we sat around our father, reminiscing about some of his old stories. We talked for a few hours, then he proceeded to lie down. His eyes began to shut slowly. We called for him but got no answer. His breathing had stopped, too. In an instant everyone’s moods changed drastically. It was a heartfelt moment for all of us. We had never experienced the pain of losing a parent. As we all watched our father die right in front of our eyes, the doctor and nurses tried their best to resuscitate him. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of absolute uselessness because there was nothing to be done at the moment. After that day all of our lives changed, months had passed but the feeling was still there: the grief, anger, and never-ending pain in your heart. You carry on with life with a smile, while on the inside you’re more dead than a corpse.
After everything that occurred, certain aspects in the way that people behave under devastating circumstances became much more evident to me. Realizing that these “adults” that seemed completely stable to my younger eyes actually weren’t so stable after all. This became clearer when disagreements would occur, and rather than being rational and compromising, to create a solution, they reacted in anger and opposed each other’s emotions when care was most needed. Rather than being united, they allowed overwhelming emotions to put them into situations that they would regret. I had acquired from a young age the understanding that disagreements should not be carried on into the future, and that in order to mend what was broken and forgiven grudges can’t be held. Having hatred in your heart everyday towards someone who you love or loves you is not healthy. As they say, life is short, live everyday like it is your last because at any moment you can be gone. Life is precious, don’t waste on foolish and trivial things. But in some cases if you know someone who is not on the right path and doesn’t want to move up in life, cut them off and find people who have the same mindset.
With the intent of easing the pain, my mother made the critical decision of moving to the United States of America, leading to a set of events that contained negative and positive outcomes. As an eleven year old, I was completely oblivious to the meaning of this plane ride. However, a sense of opportunity and a new life permeated the air, which was oblivious. We had arrived and spent some time in Pennsylvania at a family friend’s house, with my mother and older siblings carrying the worries of the next move and my only worries of what friends I would make. Time passed and settling down in Greenville, New Jersey became a reality. Going to school in a new country symbolized a milestone, a new beginning, new people and new ambitions. I was forced to adapt to a new culture that was much more demanding and insensitive from what I was used to. Overtime, bonds developed and I managed to find a few individuals that became family and shaped me into who I am, people who are always a phone call away that has your back all the time, long life friends. This aspect of my life showed me how significant it is to have a foundation and principle that aligns with my morals.
My freshman year was slowly approaching during the summer of 2019. Two marking periods had passed and finally when I started fitting in more with the new environment and people, the world had one of the most impactful pandemics in history. The thirteenth of March, 2020, I overheard people gossiping about two seniors catching Covid-19 and the news spread like wildfire all over the school and in a mere hour many people were panicking and running out of James J.Ferris High School. Staff members were aware that there was nothing they could do because they themselves were afraid for their health.
After that catastrophic day, the whole world had shut down for a very long time, for then I had a lot to think about, in that case it was me maturing as a young teenager and being more realistic about everything and who I am as a human being. There had to be some type of changes; I couldn’t be the young obnoxious and smart mouth freshman coming back in a year or two. I personally was not the most irrational in comparison to everyone else around me, but I had struggled with communication and being avoidant of others as a way to cope.
They would always let their emotions get the better of them for trivial things. Being the compassionate, considerate and warmhearted person my mother raised me to be, I started to go out of my way to help in any way possible, no matter the challenge just to make someone else feel somewhat better about themselves. Sometimes it would be hard but you have to move on forward through it. One of the important things that I had to improve over quarantine was knowledge, self preservation and manners. Coming to a realization in those three areas was lacking most and had to be fixed, in some way or the other.
Reading more and watching the news played a big part in my life and helped me get the grasp of how big and vast the world is. In a way my mind got to elevate in the process of discovering new things to help me through my daily life. Something that helped keep my sanity in check and was important to my health was working out. Whenever I worked out, my mind would be focused and free of all thoughts. It was like a predator hunting for his prey, only one goal in my mind, nothing else. It helped me when times were dire or when I just was not feeling the best. After a couple weeks of consistency, my body and mind felt lighter and much more at ease.
My life as a senior has been a wake up call to say the least, and more drastic changes are soon to follow. However, I now have the intellect and skills to be in control of what needs to fall into place in order to achieve my goals. From my perspective, if you have mastery over consistency and you understand what it means, you can get anywhere in life. Most people would look at things like an option but to me it’s mandatory to become a better version of yourself and achieve your goals. It’s “you vs you,” and no else. Never settle for less in life. Whenever times get rough, no matter what , failure is always something that is important for self growth. Never doubt yourself just because you have failed many times. You don’t achieve success overnight because it would easily crumble, through trials and errors then you will get to success. Personally for me it was a time where I failed a Physics test and in the moment, the disappointment in seeing the grade triggered me the most. Knowing that I could have done better, but didn’t take the opportunity to do the homework and practice test to enforce what was on the test. Winning is important but failing would make you reflect more on what was wrong in the first place and you learn more in the end. Some days you just have to look back at the losses you have taken in life to realize where you are currently standing.